Some times life throws you a curve ball, and this week was one of those! My step father passed away a few days ago and as death does it has caused me to rethink my life's purpose, my commitment to a better life ... my why if you will.
So welcome to my "new life" blog.
It is early morning and I am sitting at the table in my mother's home, everyone else is still asleep and I sit here pondering life, death and how we make the most of what little time we have in between.
Do you feel like life is passing you by?
That spending another 30 - 40 years (if you are lucky) doing the same old thing you are doing now is not a lot to look forward too?
If so then read on as I give you a few tips on how to create that new life.
Living in the now
If you have read some of my other blogs you might be aware that I am a big fan of Eckhart Tolle and the Power of Now. I have found his teaching to increase mindfulness to be the simplest to understand and produce the most profound results when you commit to practicing them.
So as a lifelong student I am, in this time of grief, trying to put into practice his teachings and embrace the sorrow knowing that this too shall pass.
I am trying to be grounded and strong for my mother and other family members who will come along as the days go by.
No matter the circumstances of your life right now understand that you have choices. You can accept what is, and be at peace with what you can not change, or you can rail against the injustice of it, rant about how cruel and unfair life can be, and generally allow misery to seep into your life.
I know which one I am choosing, and that is to be at peace with what I can not change.
Some may see your lack of tears or silence as being cold hearted or as some have said to me already you are in denial of what is. But this isn't correct. You can't be in denial when you fully accept what is.
No matter what your current life circumstances are you can accept it for what it is. That doesn't mean you need to like it, but you really can't move on until you accept the "IS-ness" of the situation.
This is how I am going to be everyday in my new life. Honestly who wants to get enraged or depressed everyday?
Especially when you know that having these feelings and emotions will not change the circumstances. In fact they simply put you even more behind the eight ball because you can't move on when you are carting around that sort of baggage.
Let it go my friends.
Time for Change
As I said accepting what is doesn't mean you can't then change what you don't like. You are never stuck in the life circumstance you are currently experiencing.
If you don't like where you are, and you make your plans for change from a place of mindfulness, you will be more likely to succeed.
How to you do that?
First you need to fully accept what is now, as I have said above. Immerse yourself in the present moment. This can be a painful experience but it will get easier the more accepting you become.
Find yourself a quiet place that is free from the distractions of everyday life where you won't be disturbed. I find closing my eyes and envisaging a blank black screen, either a movie screen or a blackboard works for me, in front of my eyes works best.
As thoughts come acknowledge them and then let them pass. Do not start thinking of solutions or elaborating on the thoughts. Just acknowledge that yes that was a thought and let it move on by.
You need to become the watcher of these thoughts. All you are doing is watching, not participating.
If I have a thought that seems to get stuck or keeps reoccurring I project it onto the blank screen, it might be in words or a picture that symbolises the thought, and then envisage an eraser rubbing it off the board. I find this clears them permanently.
Once the thoughts stop, and trust me they will if you give it enough time, then you have reached a place of true mindfulness and now you can allow the universe to provide you with answers to change your circumstances.
Feel yourself open up to the possibilities that the universe may offer. Invite the ideas to come to you to solve your current problems.
These again will come as thoughts, but this time you will allow them to stay. You don't need to try to flesh out the how or when or where at this point. Simply allow the thoughts to come, unedited. Don't worry about how strange or out of reach they may at first appear.
Now is not the time to stifle the creative process. You need to let all ideas flow freely.
Keep making a mental note if you have your eyes closed, or if you are in the zone and can maintain the mindfulness start writing them down. Write down every single thought that comes to mind about how you can/could change your circumstances.
Don't act on these immediately. More great ideas may come to you over the next 24 hours, maybe in your sleep or at other quiet times when your mind is still.
After 24 hours you can then review your thoughts, ideas or plans and start building them into firm actions.
Start your new life
Now is the time to really start your new life. Decide what you will do to change your current life circumstances.
Make a solid plan of action that has come from a place of mindfulness and get going with it.
Thoughts without action are useless to you.
Do something everyday to move you closer to the reality you want. It doesn't matter how small an action that maybe, but make it consistent, start moving the pieces into place and remember to go back to being mindful regularly.
By going back to mindfulness to review your current actions and plans you will be sure to keep on the right track.
Try these suggestions and let me know in the comments below what your plans are for a new life, or how your current plans are going or even if you haven't started yet what circumstance in your life right now you want to change.
I hope you have enjoyed my new life blog and look out for more from me as my new life takes shape.